Foreign Exchange Fiasco
by Baka Gaijin30
Summary: The Outer Senshi decide to take in a pair of foreign exchange students. BAAAAAAAAAAD mistake!
1. Chapter 1

-Foreign Exchange Fiasco-

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, so please don't sue me.

Warning: This is a repost of an older story I wrote to cheer myself up after reading one too many angst-filled, tear-jerker Sailor Moon stories. So fair warning: this is not Masterpiece Theater; it is an incredibly silly story, more along the lines of a Mad Magazine spoof than anything else. Enjoy.

--

The six friends and fellow Senshi sat around the table drinking sodas and eating the pizza in front of them. Hotaru's fifteenth birthday party was a big event, but unfortunately while both her mamas and her

Haruka-papa were there, most of the Inner Senshi had prior engagements.

That didn't stop the birthday girl from having just as much fun with only Usagi and Ami around, however. While Usagi was great for comic relief, Hotaru found she liked spending time with Ami for different reasons. She was also shy, and had to be coaxed a bit to open up, just like her.

After the day at the park, they'd come here to unwind. Over dinner, Ami had talked about the foreign exchange student from America she and her mother had played host to. She laughed as she talked about the cultural differences, the hard time communicating at first, and the tearful goodbyes at the airport. Setsuna spoke up.

"Wow, it sounds like you and your mom had a wonderful time." she said wistfully. Ami smiled.

"We did. We still keep in touch with her too via e-mail. I think we were both enriched by the experience."

"You know," Michiru chimed in, "We have a pretty big place, and..."

"Whoa, wait just one minute." Haruka interrupted, "If you're thinking of..."

"Well, why not?" her aqua-haired partner asked.

"Why not? Haven't you ever heard what kind of people come from America?"

"Haruka!" Ami cried, "That's hardly fair, not all Americans are rude or obnoxious. That's just a stereotype."

"Yeah papa." Hotaru put in. Haruka raised her eyebrow at her daughter.

"Et tu firefly?" she asked.

"Haruka, please." Setsuna said, "They would never send a rude gaijin. Besides, think of all we could share; the music you and Michiru make, our wonderful friends," she said, indicating Ami and Usagi, "And the warmth we share as a family."

Usagi nodded her head, "Haruka, you have a loving, wonderful family. Just sitting across from you, I can feel how much you all care deeply for one another. This would give you all a chance to share that with a new friend or two from the states."

"Yeah, Haruka-papa, it'll be fun. Pleeease?" Hotaru asked, giving Haruka Tenoh "The Look." She was almost certain her adopted daughter learned it from observing her Michiru-mama.

"(sigh) Very well, we'll look into it tomorrow. But no promises." she admonished as all the others at the table cheered her decision.

--Meanwhile--

It was a tense meeting in the teacher's lounge at Highland High. All the teachers looked around conspiratorially as they waited for Principle McVicker to arrive. Finally, he opened the door and entered.

"Uuuh... Uuuh... I called you all in here today because of those two bastards!" he said, shaking all over as he talked. "Uuuh... I think I've got a way to get rid of Beavis and B-B-B-Buthead for good."

"Mui bien." the Spanish teacher said with a smile.

"If you'd just let me kill them back when I first offered..." Mr. Buzzcut put in.

"Violence is not the answer." Mr. Van Driessen said defensively.

"SHUT UP!" McVicker yelled. "Uuuh... Uuuh... Now listen; the school board wants us to recommend two students for a foreign exchange program over in Japan.

"What?" Van Driessen asked in bewilderment, "Beavis and Butthead?"

"No way!" Mr. Buzzcut said, "Those two idiots can barely speak English, let alone be capable of learning Japanese. Besides, they'd never go. They don't serve nachos in Japan."

"Uuuh... I already thought of that, uuuh..." he said with a smile.

Two hours later, the delinquents in question found themselves in a room filled with anime tapes, violent tentacle porn mangas, Godzilla movies and posters of hot Asian girls. On the TV in front of them, a crazed samurai was slicing someone's arm off as his young son watched on from a baby cart.

"Whoah." Butthead uttered. "Did you see that?"

"Yeah, yeah! Blood!" Beavis answered.

Uuuh... Uuuh... You see? Uuuh... Isn't Japan the coolest place ever?"

"Yeah." Butthead agreed, "They got samurais that flip out and kill people, and chicks with big boobs."

"Yeah, yeah. He He, and giant monsters that breathe fire! Fire! Fire!"

"Uuuh... How would you boys like to go there?"

"Whoa, really?" Bevis asked excitedly.

"We're there, dude." Butthead joined in.

--Two Weeks Later--

Michiru and Setsuna stood restlessly by the gate at the airport waiting for their visitors to arrive. While they had the school photos provided them to recognize their two new charges, they also held up signs with their names on them.

Setsuna noted the look of concern on Michiru's lovely face and put an understanding hand on her shoulder.

"Anxious?" she asked. The woman with the aqua locks nodded.

"I wish Haruka was here as well." she confided.

"I know, but you know that she has to race today to qualify for the championships."

"Of course I know, I... Oh look, they're letting the passengers off." she said excitedly.

A large group of men, women and children got off the plane, before two very irate stewardesses came off, each carrying someone in a headlock. They then tossed the two to the floor, and went back on the plane. Setsuna and Michiru looked again at the photos, then back at the two delinquents in front of them, and sweat dropped. They both slowly walked over.

"Uh, hey Beavis, check out those two chicks." Butthead said, just before noticing the signs. "Uh... Words... Uh..."

"Beavis-san?" Setsuna asked, looking at the blond who was getting up off the floor. His eyes immediately bulged out.

"Whoa, dude she wants me!" Beavis exclaimed as he looked excitedly at the woman in the short skirt before him with the long dark green hair "Boi-oi-oi-oing!" Butthead was looking at the other one, the girl with the wavy aqua hair.

"Uh... Hey baby." he said, smiling at her, "Come to Butthead."

-To Be Continued-


	2. Chapter 2

-Foreign Exchange Fiasco-

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, so please don't sue me.

Warning: This is a repost of an older story I wrote to cheer myself up after reading one too many angst-filled, tear-jerker Sailor Moon stories. So fair warning: this is not Masterpiece Theater; it is an incredibly silly story, more along the lines of a Mad Magazine spoof than anything else. Enjoy.

--

Haruka smiled as she relaxed behind the wheel of her car. The race had gone well; not as well as she may have hoped, but still well enough for her to qualify. As they were pulling slowly into the driveway, she looked down at Hotaru in the passenger seat, pleased to have her daughter with her at the race. She could remember how her daughter's eyes lit up when she bought her the saltwater taffy after the race. It was moments like that that made all the trials, all the sacrifices, worthwhile.

She turned back to the window of her expensive sports car just in time to see something fly into the windshield, cracking the glass and splattering on impact. Slamming the brakes, she ran out of the car, transformation wand in hand, to see...

A dead frog lying on her windshield.

"Huh Huh... That was cool." she heard someone say.

"He he, yeah, kick ass!" another voice joined in.

Haruka's hands slowly began to ball up into fists as Hotaru exited the passenger side of the car. She watched as her Haruka-papa stalked toward the backyard where the conversation was taking place.

"Come on, Butthead, it's my turn!"

"Shut up, fart knocker!"

"You two!" Haruka shouted angrily, "Who the hell are you and what are you two doing in my back yard?" she asked. While she wasn't good in all her subjects back when she was at school, she excelled at English.

"Uh... I'm Butthead, and he's Bevis." the one with the braces said, "We're like, Americans or something. We were playing 'frog baseball,' and..."

"Frog baseball?" Haruka asked, her face turning red with anger. "You two bastards ruined my windshield, to say nothing of the danger to me and my daughter you two... Hey, you." she asked the blond who was currently picking his nose with one hand while holding something behind his back with the other, "What do you have behind your back?"

"Uh, he he, Butthead did it!" Bevis blurted out.

"What? No way butt-burglar..." Butthead was cut off by Michiru running out of the house, "Uh... hey baby." he said suggestively to her.

"My Stradivarius." Michiru said anxiously, "Has anyone seen my Stradivarius?"

"Huh Huh, she said straddle." Butthead laughed. "She likes to straddle various guys."

"Yeah, he he. Straddle me!"

Suddenly, Haruka got a sinking feeling. She went over to Bevis and grabbed his arm from behind his back just as Setsuna was coming out of the house to help Michiru look. Sure enough, he was holding onto what was left of her love's violin.

"My... My Stradivarius..." Michiru said in a low tone on voice.

"Uh... We couldn't find a bat." Butthead explained.

"Yeah, he he. Sorry about that, he he."

Suddenly, the world-famous violinist's face began to turn even redder than Haruka's as she pulled her transformation wand out, her veins bulging out of her forehead and neck.

"Neptune Planet Power, Make... humph..." Setsuna covered her roommate's mouth just in time, whispering something in her ear.

"Whoa, check it out." Butthead said, pointing at Setsuna who was still whispering in Michiru's ear, "They're like, making out."

"Yeah, yeah!" Bevis said excitedly. Before he or his fellow gaijin could say anything more, a small, angry young girl with dark hair came over.

"That was my Michiru-mama's violin!" she said angrily. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"Uh... Cause the thing we were using as a bat before was broken." Butthead answered.

"_What_ were you using as a bat before?" Haruka asked, struggling to keep herself from killing the two idiots in front of her. Before either of the morons in question could answer, Setsuna allowed a gasp to escape her lips as she saw something lying behind a rose bush.

"Setsuna?" Haruka asked, "What is it?"

"Uh... Beavis did it." Butthead said, pointing at his blond partner in crime.

"No way, ass-wipe!" Bevis yelled as Setsuna bent down to pick the object up, "It was you!"

The backyard suddenly became deathly quiet as Setsuna picked up a smashed Formula-1 trophy. The first, in fact, that the Senshi of the Wind had ever won. Setsuna looked over to see a very pissed-off Haruka holding onto her transformation wand.

"Uranus Planet Power, Make... umph..." Haruka was cut off as Setsuna quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

"Um, tell you what boys," Setsuna said to the two foreign exchange students in front of her, "Haruka, Michiru and I have to go inside for a minute or two. Hotaru," she said, giving her adopted daughter a pleading look, "Please keep these two bastards... er... boys occupied until we return. And don't touch anything!" she added, before dragging her fellow Senshi inside.

The fifteen-year old Senshi of Death turned and scowled at the two jerks in front of her.

"What in the hell's the matter with you two?" she asked, "I..."

"Uh, huh huh, she looks like Daria." Butthead said as he pointed at Hotaru.

"He he, yeah. Diarrhea, cha cha cha, diarrhea, cha cha cha..."

--Meanwhile, Inside the House--

"What do you mean, 'I don't have any students named Beavis and Butthead'?" Haruka yelled angrily into the phone.

"Uuuh... Uuuh... I don't know what you're talking about, uuuh... In fact, this isn't even Highland High, uuuh... Uuuh... This is a dentist's office. Uuuh, now go away."

-Click-

Haruka turned to the other women in the room with a look in her eyes that scared them both.

"After I kill those two," she began, "I'm gonna kill Ami for suggesting we take in American foreign exchange students, and Usagi for backing her up."

"Haruka, you can't do that!" Michiru said. Setsuna nodded her head.

"Michi-chan's right, Ruka. We..."

"I'm going to kill those two retards!" the aqua-haired Senshi of the Sea screamed. "You can have our ex-friends Usagi and Ami though."

--Out In The Backyard--

"Urgh... Look, if I let you have some of my candy, will you two shut up

and... Hey!" Haruka yelled as Bevis tore the bag of taffy away from her.

"Whoa, candy!" Bevis shouted as he started grabbing handfuls of the candy, stuffing it into his eager mouth as he did so.

--

"Okay, Setsuna, fine!" Haruka grumbled, "We promise not to kill them, okay?"

"And we know Ami and Usagi are not responsible for this happening." Michiru put in.

"Good." Setsuna said with a relieved sigh, " Now let's..." she was cut off as their daughter ran into the house, a look of fear on her face. "Hotaru honey, what's wrong?"

"A... A youma! In the backyard!"

Faster than thought, the figures of Sailors Neptune, Uranus, Saturn and Pluto were in the backyard. In front of them, Butthead was standing around laughing as the "youma," with a 'Megadeth' shirt pulled over his head and his arms sticking up in the air was walking back and forth, saltwater taffy smeared across his lips.

"What in the hell's going on back here?" Sailor Uranus yelled.

"Are you threatening me?" the youma asked. "I am the Great Cornholio! I need Teepee for my bunghole..."

-To Be Continued-


	3. Chapter 3

-Foreign Exchange Fiasco-

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, so please don't sue me.

Warning: This is a repost of an older story I wrote to cheer myself up after reading one too many angst-filled, tear-jerker Sailor Moon stories. So fair warning: this is not Masterpiece Theater; it is an incredibly silly story, more along the lines of a Mad Magazine spoof than anything else. Enjoy.

--

Getting the distress call, the Inners arrived in the backyard to find the Outers staring angrily at two young boys.

"We're here!" Sailor Moon announced, "Where's the youma?"

"There was no youma." Sailor Neptune announced, "Just an idiot with a sugar high."

"Hey Bevis." Butthead said to his friend, who had returned to normal now that the sugar high had now gone, "Look, more chicks!"

"Yeah, he he, you can see their panties! He he."

"Uh... It's high noon on my sun dial. Huh huh.

Usagi, who was horrible at English, was mercifully spared having to deal with the submoronic comments. The others, especially the Outer Senshi and Sailor Mercury, turned red faced from a combination of anger and embarrassment.

"We aren't 'chicks'!" Sailor Uranus scowled, "This is Sailor Moon, that's Sailor Mars, I'm Sailor Uranus, and she's..."

Uh... Sailor who?" Butthead asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Sailor Uranus, you stupid..." she was cut off by the idiotic laughter of the two boys in front of her.

"Huh huh, she said 'your anus.'"

"He he, yeah, yeah, 'your anus!'"

Unable to take any more, Uranus lunged for the two boys in front of her. Sailor Jupiter managed to tackle her to the ground just in time.

"Uh, she's pissed." Butthead said, pointing at the angry Senshi of the Wind.

"Yeah, he he. She's pissed 'cause she has the smallest boobs, he he."

Just then, an object flew downward and landed at Butthead's feet. It was a rose. Looking up, the two Americans saw a man in a tuxedo and cape with a cane in his hand, a mask covering his eyes. He looked at them sternly as he began to speak.

"To be invited to be a guest in someone else's home is an honor and a privilege, but you two have taken advantage of that by... What the... What are you two laughing at?"

"Uh... Huh huh huh."

"Shut up, I'm not done yet you..."

"He he, hey Butthead look, it's Zorro."

"That's not Zorro you dumbass. Can't you see his cane? Huh huh, that dude's a pimp."

**"WHAT?!"** Mamoru asked in shock.

"He he, oh yeah, he he. Pimp my ride, he he. He's gonna lay the smackdown on his bitches."

"Yeah, huh huh. His bitches better have his money."

"Ummm, if it's okay, could you pimp smack the blond with the small boobies first?"

"Yeah, huh huh, go Ike Turner on her and teach her some manners."

"I'm not a pimp, you baka yaro (stupid idiots)! I'm Tuxedo Kamen!" Mamoru yelled out angrily, "And those aren't my 'bitches,' they're the Sailor Senshi!"

"The what? He he..." Bevis asked.

"The Sailor Senshi!" Mamoru said, repeating himself.

"Uh... gesumtight." Butthead said.

At that point, it took the combined efforts of Sailors Jupiter, Pluto, Mars and Venus to keep Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Uranus from tearing the two Americans apart with their bare hands. Eventually, Sailor Venus was forced to resort to the "Love Me Chain" to restrain her friends. Sailor Moon then stepped forward.

"Okay, guys, let's go out to our usual hangout for a bit to calm down before we do anything rash. The four of you," she said, looking sadly at her friends in the Outer Senshi, "look like you could use a break."

The outers all nodded. The stress of dealing with the two Americans was slowly driving them nuts. Sailor Pluto walked over to the two troublemakers.

"We're leaving now." she began. "But if we hear of you causing any more trouble for the ladies living at this house, well be back. Now stay here, and don't touch anything." she finished in a low, threatening voice. "Do you understand?"

"Uh..."

"I didn't ask about 'uh,' I asked if you understood me."

"Uh..."

"Good enough." she said. Then, as Bevis and Butthead watched on, she and the others leapt into the skies, bouncing from one roof to the next.

Butthead turned to Bevis, and made a truly poignant observation, "This sucks."

"Yeah, it's like, there are no ninjas or samurais, they don't have nachos, and we're still not scoring."

Suddenly, deep within the recesses of his otherwise empty head, an idea popped into Butthead's brain.

"Uh, hey Bevis. Like, if we did something good, maybe then those chicks will like us."

"Yeah, he he, then we could score!"

"Yeah, huh huh. Then that angry chick that likes to straddle will come for some sweet loving from Big Daddy Butthead. Huh huh."

"He he, yeah, me to. He he. That'd be cool."

"No way fart knocker, I saw her first. You get the chick that looks like Crystal Gayle. Huh huh."

And so, with the hopes of "scoring" as an impetus, our two intrepid heroes snuck into the house to find things to do to impress the "chicks" they wanted to bang.

--Meanwhile--

"Ami," Haruka said, suddenly feeling very guilty about her earlier harsh words, "Please, Michiru and I are sorry. We know it wasn't your fault."

Ami wouldn't answer. When they'd arrived at the mall, Haruka and Michiru had unloaded all their anger and frustration at the younger Senshi for suggesting the idea of taking in a foreign exchange student. And now she was kneeling on the ground in front of them, her forehead against the floor tiles in the supreme act of self-humiliation known as the dogenza.

"Gomen." she said again sorrowfully, "Gomen."

Michiru and Haruka both knelt down and put their arms around her.

"It's okay." Michiru said, ignoring the crowd now gathering around them and the others. Most of the crowd backed away when Makoto stood up to her full height and gave them warning looks.

"Come on, please get up." Haruka said, "We'll go and get some ice cream, my treat."

Ami looked up, a slight smile on her face, "Now you're confusing me with Usagi." she joked.

"Hey!" Usagi playfully yelled as the three friends on the floor hugged. Michiru stood up.

"Right." The violinist said, "We'll all have some ice cream, and then we'll go to the airport and get one-way plane tickets back to America."

"Yeah," Haruka added, suddenly starting to shake a bit, "And then we can get rid of Bevis and B-B-B-Butthead for good. Uuuh..."

--Back at the House--

Our two favorite gaijin were busy finding things to do around the house. So far they'd managed to help Michiru finish a landscape, tried to put Michiru's Stradivarius back together using some wires they'd found in an old piano in the living room, and clean up a bunch of now broken lamps in Hotaru's room. Going into the bathroom, they saw that one of the shampoo bottles was nearly empty, and looked around for something to fill it with so their hosts wouldn't have to buy more.

"Hey Butthead, what about this stuff?" Beavis asked, passing a small bottle over to Butthead.

"Uh... 'N-A-' uh... Okay, huh huh..." he said, as he poured the liquid into the shampoo bottle. Satisfied at a job well done, the two quickly left the house and waited in the backyard for the chicks to get back home.

--One Hour Later--

The nine Senshi arrived back at the house, relieved to find the two baka still in the backyard. Setsuna excused herself to go take a shower as Hotaru had inadvertently spilled some of her ice cream sundae on her blouse and some of her hair. Setsuna took great pride in her appearance, especially in the lush growth of hair that reached down to her legs. She was as stressed out and miserable as the rest of her friends, but she found the simple act of organizing her shampoos, conditioners and other hair products helped her to relax and forget a bit about the past twenty-four hours.

Meanwhile, Usagi and her Mamoru, along with the other Inners, had decided to have a little talk with the two Americans. Before any of them could say a word, however, three loud, angry screams came from within the house.

Haruka was the first out the door, determined to murder the two idiots for ripping apart the inside of her grand piano. Michiru was next, her fists clenched and her teeth gritted as she saw the two jerks who'd painted a crude stick figure of a girl with big boobs being shot at by airplanes on her landscape. Finally, Hotaru stalked out, looking for the gaijin who demolished her lamps.

The inners were getting ready to defend the two dumbasses behind them from almost certain doom, when a fourth loud cry was heard. A cry loud enough to stop everyone else in their tracks. The door to the backyard swung out hard enough to fly off its hinges as a very angry, very wet Setsuna-mama stalked out. A collective gasp of horror and shock escaped the other Senshi as they caught sight of their fellow hero, her blue bathrobe clinging to her still wet body.

"Which one of you fucking idiots put **Nair** in my Herbal Essence shampoo?!" she roared at the Americans.

"Uh... Nair? Uh... Huh huh, you look like Kojak." Butthead said as he pointed at the now bald Senshi of Time. Both he and Bevis were now laughing uncontrollably.

"Yeah, yeah, he he, 'Who loves ya, baby?' He he..." Bevis was cut off as both he and Butthead were picked up off the ground by Setsuna, who had her hands tightly wrapped around their necks. Both the Inner and Outer Senshi slowly began to back away.

"Aaah! Let go ass wipe!" Bevis yelled as he struggled in her grip.

"Yeah." Butthead put in. "Don't make me have to kick your ass!"

"Hotaru." Setsuna snarled as the sun shone off her bare head, "Cover your ears and close your eyes."

Hotaru immediately complied. Even with her hands covering her ears, however, the sounds of the beatdown her enraged Setsuna-mama was giving the two idiots from America was loud enough for her to hear practically every hit, as well as every dirty word in the Japanese language.

--Two Days Later--

"Uh... This sucks..." Butthead moaned from within his full body cast as he and his wheelchair were being wheeled onto the plane bound back to the States.

"Yeah, he he." Bevis agreed from his own wheelchair, looking ahead of him through two black eyes, "It's like, we didn't score, and we ended up getting our asses kicked by that bald chick in the bathrobe."

"Yeah, huh huh, and we never got to see any Samurais, huh huh."

--Meanwhile--

Haruka removed the wheel from her Formula-1 car and hopped out. As she was heading for the showers, she overheard two of her mechanics.

"Wow, so you and your family hosted a foreign exchange student?"

"Sure did. Best thing we ever did, too! I tell you, learning about our different cultures, sharing our..."

-WHACK-

The one mechanic watched in stunned silence as their best racer, Tenoh Haruka, knocked his buddy out with a single punch, then headed for the showers.

"Wonder what that was all about." he murmured.

--The End--


End file.
